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"Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor" (Exodus 16).  "So Then, Putting Away Falsehood, Let All of Us Speak the Truth to our Neighbors, for We Are All Members of One Another." (Ephesians 4:25), "They Try to Deceive Allah and Those Who Believe, But They Only Deceive Themselves, and Realize it Not." (Qur'aan 2:9)

"The Important Thing is, Not to Stop Questioning" – Albert Einstein
 

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Looking for Osama


 

 



Morgan Spurlock and the Holy Grail

By Kevin Barrett 

“His next project is by far his riskiest yet. Spurlock has finished his new movie Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?, in which he sets out to do what the United States government has apparently failed to do: Find Osama Bin Laden. The Weinstein Company bought the thing after seeing only 15 minutes of it at the Berlin Film Festival, and here’s where it gets really interesting. Rumor has it that Spurlock actually found Osama Bin Laden.

The film’s director of photography told SlashFilm that Morgan ‘definitely got the holy grail.’ Since the movie is about him hunting Osama, that would make him the holy grail… wouldn’t it? For now though, everyone around the production is keeping things locked down.”  -- “Has Morgan Spurlock Found Osama Bin Laden?” 

This just in! The same spook who leaked a copy of Oliver Stone’s JFK script to the CIA, I mean the Washington Post, just faxed me some amazing excerpts from Morgan Spurlock’s new film Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?  It turns out that Morgan gained access to Bin Laden by bribing members of the master terrorist’s entourage with—of all things—a shrubbery. Remember, you read it here first. 

Here are the key excerpts from Spurlock’s script: 

SPURLOCK:  Where does he live?  Old man, where does he live?

OLD MAN:  He knows of a cave, a cave which no man has entered.

SPURLOCK:  And the Grail... The Grail is there?

OLD MAN:  Very much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge

      of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed.

SPURLOCK:  But the Grail!  Where is the Grail!?

OLD MAN:  Seek you the Bridge of Death.

SPURLOCK:  The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Grail?

OLD MAN:  Hee hee ha ha! 

[Spurlock trudging up a mountain in Afghanistan. He encounters a group of bearded terrorists dressed in women’s clothing.] 

HEAD TERRORIST:  Nee!

      Nee!

      Nee!

      Nee!

  SPURLOCK:  Who are you?

  HEAD TERRORIST:  We are the Terrorists Who Say... Nee!

  SPURLOCK:  No!  Not the Terrorists Who Say Nee!

  HEAD TERRORIST:  The same!

  BIN EMIR:  Who are they?

  HEAD TERRORIST:  We are the keepers of the sacred words:  Nee, Pen, and Nee-wom!

  SPURLOCK:  Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!

  HEAD TERRORIST:  The Terrorists Who Say Nee demand a sacrifice!

  SPURLOCK:  Terrorists of Nee, we are but simple travelers who seek the tower-destroying, Pentagon-striking enchanter who lives beyond this mountain.

  HEAD TERRORIST:  Nee!  Nee!  Nee!  Nee!

  SPURLOCK and PARTY:  Oh, ow!

  HEAD TERRORIST:  We shall say 'nee' again to you if you do not appease us.

  SPURLOCK:  Well, what is it you want?

  HEAD TERRORIST:  We want... a shrubbery!

  SPURLOCK:  A what?

  HEAD TERRORIST:  Nee!  Nee!

  SPURLOCK and PARTY:  Oh, ow!

  SPURLOCK:  Please, please!  No more!  We shall find a shrubbery.

  HEAD TERRORIST:  You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will never pass over this mountain alive!

  SPURLOCK:  O Terrorists of Nee, you are just and fair, and we will return

      with a shrubbery.

  HEAD TERRORIST:  One that looks nice.

  SPURLOCK:  Of course.

  HEAD TERRORIST:  And not too expensive.

  SPURLOCK:  Yes.

  HEAD TERRORIST:  Now... go! 

A nearby Wal-Mart furnishes the shrubbery, and the quest continues. After some nasty encounters with al-Qaida, who speak in silly accents and fart in his general direction, Spurlock arrives at Osama’s cave, which is guarded by a terrible killer rabbit. (THAT explains why the CIA hasn’t been able to capture him!) I can’t reveal what happens next, because I wouldn’t want to spoil the movie. Suffice it to say that Morgan Spurlock “definitely got the Holy Grail.” 

Asked whether Spurlock had really found Bin Laden when the CIA, NSA, DIA, DUI, SOB and other alphabet agencies had failed, George W. Bush responded: “I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority. I am truly not that concerned about him." 

* * * 

In other Bin Laden news: 

Young Pakistanis: Bin Laden Is A CIA Creation

http://infowars.net/articles/december2007/041207Laden.htm
 



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